Why do we take it so personally?

Scene: While walking in the hallway of the school where I work and am approached by the mother of a former student of mine. He was my student for 3 semesters in a period of 3 years.

Mother: Cecilia! It’s great to run into you! I’ve been meaning to tell you something. My son took the TOEFL to apply for a university abroad and he got the score he needed. Thank you!

Me: That’s great! But it’s all his merit. He’s always been such a great student!

Does this ring a bell with you? (image by Daeveb - Flickr)

The scene I described above didn’t happen, not this one exactly. But similar scenes have happened to me more than I could possibly count. Situations where I learn about a student’s achievement thanks to his/her English skills. I’m not saying I am a great teacher – we all have been through these situations. that’s not the intention of the anecdote.

Well, recently I had the opposite experience – and not for the first time of course – I could clearly see that one of my groups is not doing as well as expected. As a whole. And that realization crushed me…

Why do we see our students’ failure as our fault, and on the other hand their success as something they’ve achieved all on their own rather than something we’ve helped them achieve? I ask myself that at the same time I do that…

Why do we take it so personally – and only on a negative side for us??

Well, I can only think and reflect about my own experience, my own practice. I truly believe myself to be a committed teacher. I work hard, I plan my classes. I assess each student individually, I give them personal feedback. I care about them. I make every effort to adapt my classes to the students’ needs, to their individualities. I spend countless hours researching, preparing, crafting, worrying… So why do I feel it’s my fault? Why do I feel a student’s failure to learn is a result of MY shortcomings??

Who is responsible for your students' learning: you or them? (image from #eltpics - students)

The worst thing is, the more I think and reflect about it, the more I contradict myself. When I consider the students’ progress and development in the language I feel they’re the ones who are responsible for their own learning because I see my role in the classroom the one of a facilitator. I am someone with more knowledge as far as English is concerned, who is there to help them, pointing them in the right direction, guiding them by the hand when needed, cheering them forward when their motivation runs low. I am there to find ways that associate things they like, things that are more effective in getting them to learn. That’s how I see it.

BUT…

When I think about students not learning as they are supposed to I see my role in the classroom differently. I am the teacher, I am the one who decides how to present things, how they should practice the language being taught to better learn it. Therefore, who else if there to blame if the way I choose to teach doesn’t work?

When it comes to your students’ learning – or lack of – who’s responsible?

Can anyone help me figure this out? Please? Pretty please?